a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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