What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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