i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
