I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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