holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
