It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
