You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
