Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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