Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
