you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can I color on your dick again?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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