he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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