Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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