I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
