Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
