At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
