I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
