Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I AM VODKA MAN
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
