yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
