Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
