in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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