since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize