I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
