if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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