my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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