watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The Olympian is in my bed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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