you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
even my farts smell like vagina
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
