Your tits are I can't wait for
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
