Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
