i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
