I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize