I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
