Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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