yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
