Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
