I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize