Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
