its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
