Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
