Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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