This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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