bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
