i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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