I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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