why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
