Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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