this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm at about main and main street
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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