You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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