The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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