Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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