Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
