If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize