my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
