Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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