Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
