possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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