So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
