oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i will never coherently bang her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
