tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
