I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
