hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
