I accidentally burped into my bong.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
