I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
