i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize