Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
