farters have to be the big spoon...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
