mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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