yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
