Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
