haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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