he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
