I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
