i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
