She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
