I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am available for nakedness
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
