new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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