The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
