I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
